He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
