Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
