She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
