Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
