Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
