Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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