He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
