i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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