Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
