i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
