Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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