Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
