am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
