3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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