Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
