I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize