Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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