i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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