Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
