Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
