when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
