I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
