I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
