i may or may not be watching the land before time
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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