i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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