Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
