Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
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