apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
