Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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