I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
