TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
