I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize