i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
