No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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