dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
