Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
