You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I die, sorry about rent.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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