so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
