and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
