I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
