The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
