Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
