wrigley field is MILF paradise
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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