There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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