You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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