just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
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dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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