is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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