every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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