Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
