life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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