im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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