I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
