You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
