I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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