Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
