Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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