i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
