the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
