Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
